I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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