does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
