You're so nebulous sometimes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
