the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
