went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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