nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
