worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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