if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
