I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
