The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
