i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
