Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
