shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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