what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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