home. puking in laundry basket.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
