Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
