and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
