WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
