hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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