I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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