I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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