I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
