its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
