Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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