If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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