I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
