He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
