I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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