I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
