I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
