If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize