fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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