And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We are two peas in an std pod
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
