I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
