we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
