I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
where does the pee come out of this thing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
