I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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