The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
