Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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