I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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