I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize