i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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