i barfeds in our rink
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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