I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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