You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
