everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize