if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
