Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize