shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
