Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
