I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
