hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
