rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
