so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
