The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Randomize