i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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