You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize