i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where is the hickey?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
