I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
