stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize