life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
