so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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