god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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