Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
