I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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