they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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